Find a disorder in every order
There is no staying away from politics… I am trying to avoid political writing for a little while. But I think the ghost of Lenin has gotten into me through the words – if you do not get into politics, politics will get into you – or something of that sort.
I was avoiding all the contact with the news and media where contemporary politics will catch my attention. But that was not my politics, that never was. I was never interested in what everyone is talking about. The trending topics will only make me cringe and scoff. It has always been that way. Then I realized my politics is my everyday life. The feed, the media, they are all in my everyday contact. My friends, my surroundings, my own senses they are what brings my politics.
A friend of mine was talking about how he is uncomfortable in his marriage and how marriage was a mistake. I told him to undo it. His reply- being an Indian male- did not surprise me at all. He said, he is concerned about his wife, where will she go if he left!! That is the third male friend of mine of the opinion that he is staying in the marriage because his wife is dependent on him! (Here I have to make a mental note to make some different friends with healthy relationships.) I know how to analyze this, or how to make sense of it. I have a female friend who is divorced and I see no dependency on her on the ex husband. There was love and everything but they parted and she is a kick ass female who is grabbing life by its collar and making everything work. She is also Indian. I have seen western women who are divorced ,separated or cheated by men. They don’t sit and cry over their male god who left, of course they get hurt, exhausted and they simply move on. That is life right. And I know Indian women who are divorced, you know before they deal with their own life they have to deal with the darned society that keeps labeling and judging them as an unfitting piece to their notion of life. And I can imagine why women wouldn’t want to get divorced but just put up with the shit they call married life just because the society won’t pounce on them. The Indian society calls being single a sin you can imagine what being divorced will bring upon.
Now why are these men so sure that their wives will be destroyed if they become single once again? They have nowhere else to go, they have no one else to feed them , to look after them…the list seems endless. But I disagree. I strongly disagree. There is a whole world out there. A whole abundant world – of opportunities, of life, of men, of living, of friends, of family, of relatives. Where is the opportunity more, living with a man and being dependent on him to give you food and shelter or living on your own and having a life of your own? Why do these men think their wives are incapable of having a life of their own? There is going to be pain of separation but that is not the end of the world. What is more humiliating than living with a person who thinks being with you was a mistake!! Where is the self respect of our women? Why do men think women have no self respect or courage to face the world on their own? First they think they own the women, and so the property has to be handled well and they being fully within their heads think the women in their lives are only handled well by them. They cannot imagine the possibility that there could be another man out there who can love her better and value her more. She could very well be having a life where she is more suited and compatible to another man than you. Or she could be the happiest person on her own. Let go men, seriously let go. Don’t act as if you are doing a great sacrifice or service. No you aren’t. You are not helping womenhood and you are only damaging it more and more. You are asserting your wive’s dependency and devaluing her personality and courage. She is not just your wife, before you she had a life and after you she will have a life, and who knows maybe a better one at it.
This has to be one of the reasons for the low divorce rates in the country. There is absolutely no truth in the boast called family values. A husband in a bar drinking and mourning his marriage as a mistake is no damn family value. The Indians have got it all wrong. The so called tradition sustains only on women’s oppression and submission. The minute she decides to stand up, your crap is going to fall hard on your head. No, family value is not to be sustained if one of the partner is not considered a capable human being or a productive citizen. If you want to honor the institution of marriage at least be honest with your own heart. You want to feel worthy and important are not the reasons to be in a marriage. Stop victimizing yourself and stop killing another human being for finding value in your misery. You need some serious self assessment, what is your problem? Do you have any self respect and self esteem? Do you live out of some fear, misery or what? What is your driving force of life? Your prime emotion, sentiment your feeling? Try and find out all these things. If you are certain that at a point of your higher self esteem, courage and saturation you do not want your partner sharing your life then quit. For Pete’s sake just quit and do the women a favor. She is going to be hurt, she is going to get mad and once all the storm subsides she will start taking baby steps and get back on her life.
As the saying goes honesty is the best policy, be honest with yourself. You are not letting go not because of her it is because of you. Stop being dependent on your women and stop making them dependent on you. There is a horizon where decent disagreements bloom. You can travel there with her and then let go. She will find her own way, you remember to find yours.